But Can You Really Trust Him or Her?
written by Patty Sherry, founder of the inspirational blog ShareYour Love Story
Without TRUST, no relationship, whether it be friendship, business, or especially love, can flourish.TRUST is essential for any relationship to thrive.
What do you do when you find yourself wondering, “Can I really trust him or her?” What do you do when, seemingly the bond of trust has been broken?
I’ve certainly experienced relationships where I have had a bad feeling in my stomach with someone, and their words made warning bells go off for me. I’ve been in relationships where stories did not make sense. I have caught people in all out lies.
Inability to trust HIM or HER is painful, confusing, and it can bring out the emotions of both anger and sadness.
So, let’s get real about TRUST. My approach to it is brutal, yet gentle.
An important and empowering thing I have learned about TRUST in any of my relationships, is that as inclined as I might be to complain about how he or she lied to me, or blame another because something they did or did not do has “broken” my trust, at some point the blaming and complaining simply has to stop.
Yes, STOP bitching that you can’t trust him or her!
Ultimately TRUST is not about them! The more I make trust about them, the more I make myself the perpetual victim rather than the chooser I am.
As long as I keep someone on that leash of, “I can’t or don’t trust YOU!” I allow myself to simply NOT own or trust my own choices.
If these words here cause a ping within you, you probably have some issues around TRUST in your life. I’m gentle with this, because trust is such a basic human need, when you feel you’ve “lost it” it doesn’t feel good. I know first hand.
It helps for me however when I can become more aware of my relationship with TRUST.
Do I trust my ability and decision to buy the computer that fits my needs? Do I trust my instincts about hiring the right contractor for the job? Do I trust my own judgment to go out on that date? Do I trust the decisions I’ve made about the people I choose to have in my life?
If I’m still stuck on trust being about them, if I am still complaining to friends about THEM…well then the brutal answer to my own question would be NO! I don’t trust my own decisions.
Ultimately I am the one who decides to make the purchase, go on the date, or be in the relationship. If I am not happy I can always decide to choose something else. Making choices in my life requires me to trust me.
If however, I make TRUST all about them and not about my own abilities to distinguish a persons character and intentions, I will forever be hesitant, not to mention stressing, about making that purchase, doing any kind of business, going on that date, or opening myself in my relationships.
I will forever be the blamer and the victim.
And I don’t want to give my own power up. I’m not satisfied living my life that way, and more importantly I don’t have to.
Neither do you.
You simply need some willingness to look in the mirror, and a bit of brutal gentleness with yourself. All it takes is an honest assessment of where you are in your life with regards to trust. From this place you can own your choices, and definitely move forward more freely.
Patty Sherry is the owner and founder of Arabella LLC, a self empowerment coaching company located in Bergen County, New Jersey. Please visit her website www.ShareYourLoveStory.com for more information about dealing with life issues and improving your relationships. You can also join her on Facebook.
Category: Agencies, Guest Columnist
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