Dirty Secrets : Part II

Posted on December 15, 2009
Filed Under Guest Columnist |

By Susan L. Stackpole (contd…)

signs-he-is-cheating-on-youDr. Don-David Lusterman, author of “Infidelity: A Survival Guide”, explores the definitions of infidelity, inquiring, “Does a stolen kiss count? What about erotic chats with strangers online? A lap dance?” Lusterman suggests infidelity is defined as occurring when one member of a couple secretly violates the commitment to monogamy. Lusterman states, “If your partner considers it cheating, then it probably is. But what would mortify your partner might be a-okay, or at least tolerated, by mine”. Lusterman adds, “Several factors make some men more likely to stray, even if they are dating or married to a beautiful woman,” Males in powerful, high profile positions, including celebrities, athletes, business executives, and politicians sometimes have a sense of superiority and entitlement that bedding several attractive women further reinforces in their mind. They may have narcissistic tendencies and view themselves as a pursuer, taking great pride in tallying large numbers of conquests. Dr. Peter Kramer, author of “Should You Leave”, adds, “I think there probably is a bigger range of infidelity than we imagine,” Kramer says. Some couples enjoy bringing third parties into their bedroom, yet they would insist that they have never cheated.”

spearsfamvsdrphil423Dr. Phil McGraw, host of “The Dr. Phil Show,” interviewed various women, all of whom were involved with married men. Some of the women knew the man was married before becoming involved, and others were unaware until well into the relationship. One of the women offered up insight into why spouses cheat, sharing that they are seeking someone who shows strong interest in them, showering them with affection and attention, making them feel desirable. She shared that by donning lingerie and actively listening to the man’s problems, etc., he felt valued and appreciated, which he may not be feeling at home. McGraw added that temptation is difficult to avoid when one goes out into the world and interacts with polished, attractive people expressing an interest in them. Dr. Praia Batra, of Kaiser Permanente, shares that she often quite frequently hears of those who have affairs are very cognizant of their frustration in their current relationship and actively seek what they want outside the relationship.

090918_clinton_monicaIs expecting celebrities to be role models setting them up for failure? Experts suggest Tiger Woods is revered for his golf skills, not his personal choices, and will eventually return as a fan favorite. Notable figures including Brad Pitt, Kobe Bryant, Harrison Ford, and Bill Clinton have all gone on to live another day after their sexual indiscretions, as each possesses unique talent unable to be duplicated or equaled. Despite his sexual misconduct while in the presidential office, Bill Clinton was summoned earlier this year by North Korea to negotiate the freedom of Laura Ling, sister of Lisa Ling, and friend, Euna Lee. While fans thrive on scandal, a celebrity’s specific excellence makes them unique, irreplaceable, and eventually the media returns to loving them again.

Technology and modern social etiquette has made it acceptable and easy to communicate and connect with people wherever and whenever we like and however we choose. It is easy to interact via text, chat, or email without a spouse knowing or suspecting. Teenagers “sext”, sending sexual text messages and provocative photos through cell phones. “Sex” is the most searched word on the internet. Pornography is at an all time high. Why is everyone disappointed to discover a celebrity’s moral shortcomings? When left to our own moral sensibility, fallen celebrities make us all too aware of our weaknesses - the emotional affair we justify because it’s only in an online chat room, flirting in the workplace that goes one step too far, “quick fixes” outside our relationships to validate our boredom, wounded hearts, defeated egos. The “everyone else is doing it, so it must be okay” mentality runs rampant like a getaway train that everyone seems to be onboard. Weddings and divorces are higher than ever. Thank You, Tiger Woods, for reminding us that at the end of the day, no matter the dollar signs on our bank account or the cars in our driveway, or the amount of fans clamoring for our autograph; the only thing that maintains any significant value is the integrity of our word and our character, which ultimately creates the legacy we leave behind.

Statistics according to www.InfadelityStatistics.com

2 years is the average length of an affair.

41% of marriages involve one or both spouses admitting to physical and or emotional infidelity

57% of men and 54% of women admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had

36% of men and women admit to having an affair with a co-worker

36% of men and women admit to infidelity on business trips

31% of marriages survive after an affair has been discovered or admitted to.

74% of men and 68% men of women would have an affair if they knew they wouldn’t get caught

About Susan:: self-growth expert and entertainer - for more info visit www.susanstackpole.com

susan23816236912



Comments

Leave a Reply




  • Weekly newsletter

    Enter your email address:

    Delivered by FeedBurner

  • Guest Column

  • Indian Headlines

  • Recently Written