This is more than a master class in duvet hogging – achieving this level will put you in the top rank of worldwide duvet hoggers with a swift, no-nonsense move that will ensure that you have all the duvet to yourself.
Please note – before taking this class you must have achieved pass marks in all former classes -
The ‘One good turn takes most of the duvet’ lesson
The ‘Inch by inch through the night’ lesson
The ‘Turning the duvet 45°’ lesson
Equipment needed -
One double bed
Two single duvets
Three pillows (minimum)
1 – During the night quietly drop your own duvet on the floor
2 – While lying on your side (facing away from your partner adds insult to their ‘injury’) reach behind you with your top arm and completely remove the duvet in one swift movement
3 – Quickly wrap it around yourself and refuse to give back when they pull on it and complain about suddenly being cold
4 – If your partner persists in complaining and pointing out that it is ‘their’ duvet – reach behind you again, take a spare pillow and place it on the top of their back
5 – (this is the genius move) Pat the pillow reassuring while murmuring nonsense in a quiet but loving voice, as if you are letting them know everything is ok
Once you have achieved this ultimate duvet hogging move, you will have life long status as an extreme duvet hogger! Good luck and practice hard!
Additional note – in theory it is possible to achieve this with one double duvet and requires the combination of the ‘Inch by inch through the night’ followed at the appropriate moment by a swift ‘One good turn’ manoeuver. Skill is needed in the judgment of how much duvet you have acquired during the ‘Inch by inch’ manoeuver before commencing the ‘One good turn’.
The author is providing this lesson for information only and readers undertake practicing this lesson at their own risk. The author is not responsible for any results from following this lesson such as black eyes, bruised shins, being kicked out of bed, being made to sleep on the sofa or the termination of any relationships (this list is not exhaustive)
Charlotte Welply is a life coach and speaker and specializes in insomnia and other sleep difficulties. Having overcome years of insomnia herself, Charlotte has developed a passion for helping others who suffer from sleep deprivation and the effects it has on the body and lifestyle. She enjoys working with her clients helping them to achieve heir goals of a great night’s sleep. She is also able to combine her years of experience as a child carer and family worker with her life coaching skills and also works with parents in helping them to teach their children to sleep – ensuring a restful and restorative night’s sleep for all the family.
There are links on her website www.charlottewelply.com to free guided mediations and pamphlets to help you and your children sleep, as well as information on upcoming courses. You can also follow her on facebook https://www.facebook.com/charlottewelply and twitter @CharlotteWelply for tips, news and information about the world of sleep.